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Something be written in a drunken night
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Wow, it is a shame to remind me that I haven`t written diary for more than a month almost. Well, um, can you imagine such scene; dark and quiet night, the lightful moonlight and streetlight outside the window, a empty dormitory, a lone person with a disordered and vague mind, a PC, a desk lamp, a bottle of liquor and some spicy snacks and foods, and most importantly, a song of Tonight I Wanna Cry. A more perfect and suitable atmosphere and environment couldn`t be asked to write a personal diary.
Actually, I really want to write sth more about my life and my thoughts and so on. But, I always feel it is a little hard and complicated to shed light on all I want to write. As always, my life is very routine and just as a pond of peaceful and quiet water or dead water more suitable for the situation. I personally would prefer to call such kind of life as" the day I fight for my scheduled or dream life alone". One of my female friends shared me one of her mottos recently that whether a person is happy or not, largely depends on two aspect, the external is the social environment we live in; the internal is our personal attitude to life. I think it is very philosophic and logical. The friends and elder relatives around me often said: " Just be yourself and do the things you want to do." hehe, anyway, it is just a soothing and encouraging word. In our realistic life, especially as we grow up day after day, many things when we decided to do has already needed us to consider many external factors. For instance, we absolutely need to consider our parents` point of view, feelings and stance at least when we are going to do sth. Sometimes, some advices from parents can be a useful and positive aspect for us, but sometimes, it can be a barrier stand in the way of us wants to go. As always, every coin has two sides and everything in our life is relativistic. Here, I can`t help remembering a sentence that life has taught me: " Every subject and knowledge we have been learning or had learned is a philosophy when we have gone more and more further in this field. Do you agree with that? Just my personal point of view.
As a student, I also have got 8 days off in Mid-Autumn Festival and National Day. Given that I haven`t gone home in my summer vacation, I originally plan to go home and visit my parents and relatives, and by the way, I can attend an opening ceremony of my family`s new shop. My father and my elder male cousin pooled a new shop which sold intermediate car including Beijing Hyundai, (Honda, Toyota: Japanese car), Kia, Geely, Great Wall, VW and Land Rover and so on... My father told me such kind of business model called as comprehensive agent of automobile. And they have rented an available wide place in our city`s CBD to run it, and the rent is 1000 RMB a day, it means that they need to pay 365 thousand RMB rent fee in one year except other expenditures. It can be a huge pressure anyway. Fortunately, it has so far run very well according to my mother`s words and has already sold seven cars before officially open business. If only the sales performance can continue like this forever... I have to admit that my father is really doing well in business in recent years, by contrast, I haven`t gotten any achievement in my studying. Shit, I always feel embarrassed and frustrated to answer my father`s call when we talk about my study. Honestly speaking, it is the one reason that stands in my way of going home. As you know, in the opening ceremony, I have to face all the relatives and answer all the questions from them. It can be high pressure to answer such kind of questions, for instance, I am always to be asked by elder: " hi, which university do you attend and what is your major? I said: xxxxx xxx ( actually I have answered such kind of his or her questions already fourth times or fifth times, maybe I need to answer more till graduation. Especially when I answer some questions about my major, I always feel frustrated to explain to them clearly what is my major, strictly speaking, they don`t have a clue about my major, but I have no choice but to answer with infinite patience. The second reason is that my father wants to test my English level, um, because I`m not so self-confident to get through it readily and effortlessly, so, I do feel a little worry about losing my face. The third is, based on my experience, the traffic will be worse and it will be hard to get a bus ticket. The most importantly, I really need a long free period to review my English vocabulary, So, synthesizing all of these objective and subjective factors, I decided to stay in my dormitory to review my study alone.
Now, I am a senior student, and I evidently feel nervous and panic everyday, especially in some insomnic night. Honestly speaking, I`m very ambivalent about all my mental activity. Sometimes, I feel that everything is going well, but sometimes, on the contrary, I feel that everything is very terrible and horrible. There are so many vexatious and changeful things waiting me to face and solve. Maybe it`s related to my character. In common with most people, few of whom are pure introverts or extroverts, I am most likely an ambivert. In other words, it means that I am very extrovertive and open in some circumstances and situations, and sometimes become very introverted in some occasions. It is very complicated to explain clearly about what I am feeling inside. Back on track, let me write more about my life and the attitude toward it. Just as common sense that the first thing need we graduating students do is finding a job, and the second is preparing for the graduation thesis and thesis defense. Sometimes, I feel that I still have plenty of time to get the all thing ready well, but sometimes, I simply calculate that I only have 4 months to ready it. It had made me feel panic and nervous every time when I thought about it. To be honest, I have no interest and time to ready for the graduation thesis or find an internship, because, at this point in time/at present stage, nothing can be more important than learning English. Learning English well is the paramount thing for me. Even though, from the first day I went to my campus, as I didn`t receive an offer/letter of admission from my idea school, every day I spent in my campus always with a graduation student`s heart, because I need some sort of crisis awareness to remind me that I can`t live in "tower of ivory". So, looking back on the past three years, one thing I can certainly say that I din`t trifle away my time and indulge in online game(actually I scarecely ever play online games) or entertainment kind of thing. But, alas, if you ask me what achivement did I have got in the past three years, honest speaking, I appear to have got nothing...Anyway, in any situation, at any rate, I should remind myself that I should hold a positive attitude toward everything.
In these days, I always constantly ask myself such kind of questions: 1. Who I want to be and how to be the one I want to be? 2. What am I interested in? 3. What are my strength and weakness? 4. When I am going to get married and what types of girl I want to lead to the altar? I really need some times to think it over and I will answer these questions in my next diary...
Wow, it`s so long already. If you feel confused or messy when you read here, my apologies, my friends!!(the liquor wants me to tell you "he" is the guilty one） without a doubt, this diary is very verbose and full of verbiages. This is my only verdict. Therefore, finally, on the occasion of "end", I would like to use the following anecdote from Westminster Abbey as our mutual encouragement: When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable.As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now, as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family.From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country, and who knows, I may have even changed the world.
Actually, I really want to write sth more about my life and my thoughts and so on. But, I always feel it is a little hard and complicated to shed light on all I want to write. As always, my life is very routine and just as a pond of peaceful and quiet water or dead water more suitable for the situation. I personally would prefer to call such kind of life as" the day I fight for my scheduled or dream life alone". One of my female friends shared me one of her mottos recently that whether a person is happy or not, largely depends on two aspect, the external is the social environment we live in; the internal is our personal attitude to life. I think it is very philosophic and logical. The friends and elder relatives around me often said: " Just be yourself and do the things you want to do." hehe, anyway, it is just a soothing and encouraging word. In our realistic life, especially as we grow up day after day, many things when we decided to do has already needed us to consider many external factors. For instance, we absolutely need to consider our parents` point of view, feelings and stance at least when we are going to do sth. Sometimes, some advices from parents can be a useful and positive aspect for us, but sometimes, it can be a barrier stand in the way of us wants to go. As always, every coin has two sides and everything in our life is relativistic. Here, I can`t help remembering a sentence that life has taught me: " Every subject and knowledge we have been learning or had learned is a philosophy when we have gone more and more further in this field. Do you agree with that? Just my personal point of view.
As a student, I also have got 8 days off in Mid-Autumn Festival and National Day. Given that I haven`t gone home in my summer vacation, I originally plan to go home and visit my parents and relatives, and by the way, I can attend an opening ceremony of my family`s new shop. My father and my elder male cousin pooled a new shop which sold intermediate car including Beijing Hyundai, (Honda, Toyota: Japanese car), Kia, Geely, Great Wall, VW and Land Rover and so on... My father told me such kind of business model called as comprehensive agent of automobile. And they have rented an available wide place in our city`s CBD to run it, and the rent is 1000 RMB a day, it means that they need to pay 365 thousand RMB rent fee in one year except other expenditures. It can be a huge pressure anyway. Fortunately, it has so far run very well according to my mother`s words and has already sold seven cars before officially open business. If only the sales performance can continue like this forever... I have to admit that my father is really doing well in business in recent years, by contrast, I haven`t gotten any achievement in my studying. Shit, I always feel embarrassed and frustrated to answer my father`s call when we talk about my study. Honestly speaking, it is the one reason that stands in my way of going home. As you know, in the opening ceremony, I have to face all the relatives and answer all the questions from them. It can be high pressure to answer such kind of questions, for instance, I am always to be asked by elder: " hi, which university do you attend and what is your major? I said: xxxxx xxx ( actually I have answered such kind of his or her questions already fourth times or fifth times, maybe I need to answer more till graduation. Especially when I answer some questions about my major, I always feel frustrated to explain to them clearly what is my major, strictly speaking, they don`t have a clue about my major, but I have no choice but to answer with infinite patience. The second reason is that my father wants to test my English level, um, because I`m not so self-confident to get through it readily and effortlessly, so, I do feel a little worry about losing my face. The third is, based on my experience, the traffic will be worse and it will be hard to get a bus ticket. The most importantly, I really need a long free period to review my English vocabulary, So, synthesizing all of these objective and subjective factors, I decided to stay in my dormitory to review my study alone.
Now, I am a senior student, and I evidently feel nervous and panic everyday, especially in some insomnic night. Honestly speaking, I`m very ambivalent about all my mental activity. Sometimes, I feel that everything is going well, but sometimes, on the contrary, I feel that everything is very terrible and horrible. There are so many vexatious and changeful things waiting me to face and solve. Maybe it`s related to my character. In common with most people, few of whom are pure introverts or extroverts, I am most likely an ambivert. In other words, it means that I am very extrovertive and open in some circumstances and situations, and sometimes become very introverted in some occasions. It is very complicated to explain clearly about what I am feeling inside. Back on track, let me write more about my life and the attitude toward it. Just as common sense that the first thing need we graduating students do is finding a job, and the second is preparing for the graduation thesis and thesis defense. Sometimes, I feel that I still have plenty of time to get the all thing ready well, but sometimes, I simply calculate that I only have 4 months to ready it. It had made me feel panic and nervous every time when I thought about it. To be honest, I have no interest and time to ready for the graduation thesis or find an internship, because, at this point in time/at present stage, nothing can be more important than learning English. Learning English well is the paramount thing for me. Even though, from the first day I went to my campus, as I didn`t receive an offer/letter of admission from my idea school, every day I spent in my campus always with a graduation student`s heart, because I need some sort of crisis awareness to remind me that I can`t live in "tower of ivory". So, looking back on the past three years, one thing I can certainly say that I din`t trifle away my time and indulge in online game(actually I scarecely ever play online games) or entertainment kind of thing. But, alas, if you ask me what achivement did I have got in the past three years, honest speaking, I appear to have got nothing...Anyway, in any situation, at any rate, I should remind myself that I should hold a positive attitude toward everything.
In these days, I always constantly ask myself such kind of questions: 1. Who I want to be and how to be the one I want to be? 2. What am I interested in? 3. What are my strength and weakness? 4. When I am going to get married and what types of girl I want to lead to the altar? I really need some times to think it over and I will answer these questions in my next diary...
Wow, it`s so long already. If you feel confused or messy when you read here, my apologies, my friends!!(the liquor wants me to tell you "he" is the guilty one） without a doubt, this diary is very verbose and full of verbiages. This is my only verdict. Therefore, finally, on the occasion of "end", I would like to use the following anecdote from Westminster Abbey as our mutual encouragement: When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable.As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now, as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family.From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country, and who knows, I may have even changed the world.
Post comment Comment (23 replies)
- Reply heai88
- Wow, what a long English article it is, and I finally finish reading it.
Learning English well is the paramount thing for me too, hehe..
Look forward to your more excellent writings, and thanks a million for your kind sharing.
- Reply sunnyv
- Seems you have overrated the value of formal education. Almost everybody is a graduate nowadays, so an education alone is not sufficient for survival. Nowadays, who really cares which university your graduated from? Empolyers don't care that much. Furthermore, most people do not work in a field related to their major. So many architects have become businessmen. You need to have an analytical mind and the determination to suceed. All you need to do now is to complete your studies to the best you can and graduate. Your diploma is your first step breaking into society and you still have a long way to go, for example gaining experience and possible starting your own business. A lot would depend on the economic situation and available opportunities at that time.
It is indeed a pity that you are worried about your standard of English. What is wrong with your English? Seems it is quite good. You can write quite well so speaking should not be a problem. Speaking needs practice because you need instant response when talking... practice solves it all, but unfortunately most people don't have the proper chance to practice.
Why should you be worried about telling the elders and relatives about your major? When you are back home facing the elders, just adjust your shirt collar, hold your head high, show and air of confidence and tell them proudly of your major. Talk to your father in English confidently, don't let those small mistakes bother you because those mistakes go away in time and practice. You can do it in style.
It is hard to be the son of a successful businessman, but you should not let that affect you. Just let your father have your opinion. Apparently, he has started his business at the right time and the right place, but nobody knows what is ahead. Give him some friendly advice on financial control. That kind of rent is like driving a porsche car at top speed, it may be too late to brake when something happens. He may rebuke you for being conservative, but you can smile off that rebuke and remind him that the reality of business is, especially the auto businness, good times don't last long. Plan for contigencies. Most my friends in business have closed down with losses because they have large extravgant offices with a big staff payroll. I maintained a moderate office with essential staff and expand as I go. That is the main reason, I am still running well.
Anyway, you have all the things need to be proud and confident. Just march forward with confidence. Cheers.
- Reply loly90
- Sunny is really a very nice guy. He spent so much enery and time to make comments here, and what he said is very reasonable. Besides, don't be proud, pride always goes before a fall, it is good for us to keep humility always, we remain alert from modesty.
- Reply Illion
- heai88: Wow, what a long English article it is, and I finally finish reading it.haha, thx for your reading...
Learning English well is the paramount thing for me too, hehe..
Look forwa
wow, learning English is also the paramount thing for u, why? Do u have any plan to go abroad or other thing. Don`t tell me the purpose of your learning English is to teach native English speakers learning Chinese...
- Reply Illion
- sunnyv: Seems you have overrated the value of formal education. Almost everybody is a graduate nowadays, so an education alone is not sufficient for survival.wow, it is rare to have such a long comment.
Thanks for your good-hearted and philosophic words.It must have spent some of your value time.
Um, contrary to what u think, actually, I often underrated the value of the formal eduction...What you said is true,diploma is nothing but the first step breaking into society. We are so unfortunate to have to study under such kind of education system which give much weight to the formalism..That`s why we Chinese people hadn`t got the Nobel prize for a long time.Alas...anywany, it is not a good topic for us to talk about at this point in time.
It is indeed a pity that I am worried about my standard of English? haha, thanks for your compliment. Honestly speaking, I have spent almost one year to learn English, but, it is still far away from studying English well...you must also have perceived that the visible problem in my diary is Chinglish.so, do u have any good advice about this? or can you modify all of my faults in my diary in your own way? (I mean it should be more anglicized)
- Reply sunnyv
- Illion: wow, it is rare to have such a long comment.Hi. You are person with high self esteem and standards. When you do something, you must be it to the best of your ability. That is great, but the world is changing very fast and you have to change and adapt too. So do I, otherwise we would all be sidelined or rejected by the big wheels of developement.Thanks for your good-hearted and philosophic words.It must have spent some of your value time.[em:2
As for your English diary, where is it? I can't find it in your page. Surely, I can try to indentify any defects or give you some examples or ideas on how write better. Cheers.
- Reply Illion
- loly90: Sunny is really a very nice guy. He spent so much enery and time to make comments here, and what he said is very reasonable. Besides, don't be proud,yep, Loly, I can`t agree with u more, he is really a very nice guy and he often give more comment to us....
but, what the mean of "Don`t be oproud"? have you found anything in my diary which deserve me to be proud?
- Reply Illion
- sunnyv: Hi. You are person with high self esteem and standards. When you do something, you must be it to the best of your ability. That is great, but the worlum, you have a point...
you can`t find it, haha, can`t believe...
look forward to seeing your examples and ideas..cheers.
- Reply loly90
- Illion: yep, Loly, I can`t agree with u more, he is really a very nice guy and he often give more comment to us....
but, what the mean of "Don`t be oprou Er, out of kindness, just in case
- Reply hosam
- what a poor boy!! come and learn software development from me,otherwise it is really hard for you to get a job.just learn something usefull.if not you will starve to death,if that happens in the future,what a big tragedy young man you are!as you see the global economy crisis is getting serious day by day,many companies are in bad condition.in recent 4-5 years,they will not conciderate about employing people.so this is really a hard time for you new graduates.i really sympathize you over your current situation.i donot want to see your dead body in some lake or river!good lucky to you!
- Reply Illion
- hosam: what a poor boy!! come and learn software development from me,otherwise it is really hard for you to get a job.just learn something usefull.if not youyo,yo, yo,.....
so, it means that you are a software engineer, right? you want to aske me to learn software development from u? or I will starve to death? why not tell me that how much is the tuition fee of your course by the bye???
thanks for your sympathy, even though I needn`t it... I`m already in the middle of learning something useful...
by the way, your personal photo looks very special. I`m easy to be told that you have mastered the PS software very well...
- Reply hosam
- sorry to tell you that photo is not my work .i am a programmer ,not good at ps skills .you are so innocent and it suggests that you know a little of computer. Are you a man living in the twenty first century ?
- Reply Illion
- haha, innocent? thanks for your compliment. anyway, it has been a long time since the last time I was called as"innocent". to be honest with u, my major is Visual Communication Design. I firmly believe that you must have a clue about it, right? So, if you are only a programmer, I`m afraid that I know more than you about computer in a sence...I`m in the middle of learning DW and Flash kind of software,(even though I had learned these software before) I wish I can be an expert or at least not an ameteur in this field. Thus, to some extent, we are devoted to the same industry maybe...
Yes, I`m a man who live in the twenty-first century. what`s your point? what are you trying to say?
whatsoever you want to say, just say to me directly...
Cheers...
- Reply Illion
- hosam: honestly speaking ,you are a 大傻逼！strictly speaking, you are a BT(biantai).
you should be more confident and acknowledge you are very lewd...
Don`t think yourself as what, you are nothing but a crummy ordinary guy. Somethings and some words you said or you are gonna say should be think twice, and also should be able to realize who you are...As you said , I also don`t want to hear some gossips about your corpse in river or gully drain...
Anyway, thx for your attention, that`s why my bolg has become Top 1 of a week in here....cheers...
- Reply hosam
- Do not you know i am one of the designers of this website ?exactly,some parts of the codes were done by me . Till now 1209 users here,kicking you out of here is just a piece of cake . Believe or not ,you will see .
- Reply Illion
- hosam: Do not you know i am one of the designers of this website ?exactly,some parts of the codes were done by me . Till now 1209 users here,kicking you outkick me out？ I don`t care about it. if you really the one of creaters of this website, I want u to know, it is a shame for me to register in this website. if you really do it, I will create another website to write English diary, believe it or not, you will see...cheers
