if you are from Shanghai, you might be willing to give more details; if you are from other places while living in Shanghai (like me), you might be willing to talk about it; if you are neither of them, you might give your opinion about this topic.

as we all know, Shanghai residents are extremely exclusive, they always call people from other provinces XiangXiaRen, of course this is a name with absolute contempt. they always keep speaking local language even if there are only two Shanghainese in a company. thus Shanghainese despise of others, while others dislike Shanghainese, and there is always kind of an opposition between the two parties.

there is a typical sign to show this opposition, that is, very few Shangneses tend to marry with a person from other places, of course people from foreign countries are excluded, they are the first choice for Shanghai girls. maybe somebody would disprove, saying that there are  some persons married with who from other provinces. yes, there are indeed some, but very few, isn't it? especially Shanghai girls, they hardly tend to date with a man from other places.

this afternoon i talked about this issue with one of my Shanghai colleagues, of course she is a girl. she said, 'indeed i never thought to marry with a man from other places.'

 i asked, 'why? do you think they are poor or because of cultural difference? '

she said, 'i am not sure, of course the wealth is not the reason, we all know many people from other places are much more rich than Shanghainese, but he must have many relatives, who maybe are poor or hard to deal with. you know we shanghai girls are all cosseted by our parents, and we have little experience or patience to deal with so many relatives, while the others always value much about relatives.' yes, i noded, this is a tough difficulty for a over-cosseted girl.

 ' maybe it is the natural difference that keeps us from marring others. once i marry with him, his parents would very probably live with us, so i have to face the relationship with his mother, this is another important difficulty for us. you know we shanghai young couples wouldn't live with elders, expecially with the husband's mother. in Shanghai, a married man will belong to her wife, that is, in his heart his wife is the most important person, and he is willing to defer to his wife without query; while i have heard that they are completely different with us. the son is forever belonging to his mother, in his heart his mother is the most important woman, and he would obey to her all his life. once there is a conflict between his mother and wife, he would absolutely protect his mother. they keep the belief that the mother couldn't be replaced, while wife is not the only one. so we shanghai girls are unwilling to be the second woman in his life.' yes, i must confess she is right at least to some extent. the men expecially from the northern put his mother in the first position, and this condition would not change forever.

now i kind of understand shanghai girls' ideas. yes, they are right, just as an old saying goes, 'i couldn't trouble it, but i could avoid it.' it is really a wise choice.