My dearest dear:

     Last night I was packing, sorting out things that belong to us. I heard you beat so erratically and I knew what you were trying to say. You were screaming: Stay, Stay." But dear, no, not this time. I had followed you a thousand times. I always followed you, remember? Even you took me to the places I should not be, the places that were scaring, and exciting. And the most dangerous thing is that they were luring. I still followed you, without a second thought, to the place even I knew it could never lead to a happy ending. To follow you, I left normal, and I went into the unknown though I was scared to death. But still, my dear, not this time. This time is different. Both of us are quite clear that it's wiser to go than to stay, and it's time now.

      The spring nights are so pleasant in this city. The breeze that stirs the curtains at the open windows is soft and gentle like a baby's kiss. And the house we live in is so pleasant. like a cozy shell, it provides a heavenly place between cruel reality and imaginary happiness. But they are not real, and they are not for us. For almost two years, we are living in a false security, something of make-believe-----a kind of stage scenery. We are not living, do you understand? We are just playing a part in the stage. Are you crying? You suddenly ache so much that I feel I almost can't breath. Dear, yes, it's so damn hard to face the truth, even the truth was there long time ago. For a long time we've fought this simple truth. How bitterly we've fought it. We've driven it away, a thousand times we've driven it away, and it comes back again in a look, a word, a smile and even the way he looked at us.
Yes, him, there always is about him. I don't remember from when and how, every time he walked into the room, you became to beat so violently and I had to use every ounce of my strength to appear normal. His every presence was such a burden to us, as if he had sucked out of all the air in the room and suddenly made everything absurdly illogical. For one minute, we were caught by a desperate fear of the power he had over us and tried to hide away. But the next minute, we couldn't help but enjoy the pure pleasure of being with him. Yes, he is such a pleasant company, listening to you, not just to the words I uttered, with sympathy and understanding. He is always kind and gentle, never piqued at me even I did something really stupid. But he is not for us! You know that, and I know that. We just choose to ignore it.

     Then it came to that night. No one ever told me he would come. Just like that, we were caught up totally unprepared. He walked into the room, with the girl he belonged to. For a moment, I thought I was frozen into the stone. I heard a sound of crack, was the sound of you breaking? where I gathered the strength to resume alive was still a mystery. The only comfort was no one ever read anything from my face. God showed his mercy and made it bore exactly its usual expression of cheerful good nature. I am a good actress, am I? The rest of that night went into a blur. I seemed to talk with someone. I remembered vaguely the thin fluttering voice went on and on. I listened with a polite smile, interpolated comments, uttered reassurances, and received thanks. But his face occupied a permanent place in my mind was everywhere, was all the time.

      Don't you see it? It is a game we should never have got involved, a game we don't know how it should be played and could never win. We've caught, we're trapped. The only way out is to leave. My dear heart, I need you. I need you now more than anytime else. I need you to be strong, so we would have a chance to go through it, to break through this vicious circle. Stop keep falling and fading like autumn leaf, and be with me, please.

Your sincerely Master