What’s my story in 2009? I am afraid nothing big and interesting. No new challenges, no new goals, no gutwrenching fear driving me forward. I just spend a lot of time reading, indulging myself in the escape that the books could provide. It is really not bad just to hang in somewhere, and let life carry you along in its wake.  

About a week ago, a chance arises and there is a vacancy in headquarter. It would be mine only if I agreed to transfer to another city. I refused without a second thought.  My excuse is perfect: I can’t leave my two-year-old son. It sounded to be a sufficient and valid reason----even for me. However, afterwards, during those rare moments when I allowed myself introspection, I realized it was not the only reason I let this opportunity slip through my fingers. The truth is, I chickened out. I have trapped there for so long, and somehow I lost my courage to face the new challenges. In the way I refused this offer, I betrayed an awful fear. Behind the cocky certainty, there was piteous hopelessness.

It’s not that I should accept this offer. By no means would I leave my little one behind. He needs me, and I would never swap him for anything,---even the whole world. However, this little episode reminded me that I could not hide there forever. The world is changing, and I will be damned if I not to.

New year is coming. I could almost hear the time tick by. Where is my future? I hope I could find the answer in 2010.