I am the product of a conservative upbringing, used to viewing the world with suspicions and cautions. I am not a cynic, but neither can I trust easily. It seems safer for me to hold myself apart from the world. At most of time I am more an observer than a participant.

I don’t have many friends and only a few fell into my intimacy circle. Experience has told me the intimacy was a double-edge blade, it gave the others the sure, deadly knowledge of where and how to inflict the most hurt when the relationship went bad. Therefore I prefer to play safe, prefer to put a buffer between myself and other people in an effort of self-protection. Some might think I am aloof, but I really don’t care. There are people who thrived on thrills, I just prefer to avoid them as possible as I could; I approach a thrill head-on only when I have no other options.

L is my polar opposite. Her enthusiasm towards people is overwhelming, sometimes even to a smothering point. Her bold approaches to the strangers have caused her enough troubles, but she never wavered in her determination to enlarge social contacts. It is not a wonder why we can’t make friends, but as coworkers we manage to get along with each other and remain friendly in appearance.

Last month we went together to Kunming on a business trip. After the workshop was over, we decided to pay a visit to Stone Forest, and she said she had contacts there who could give us some help. Unfortunately her friend had another arrangement, but still he was kind enough to buy us the tickets and arrange a guided tour for us. After the tour was over, he asked L to stay for dinner. There was an underlying intimacy between these two. We assumed that they must have some kind of history and we would be inconsiderable if we didn’t give them some privacy. Thus we left her behind.

To be honest, I was a little shocked when she told me the next day that in fact they only met once, and it was too year's ago in a one-day tour. After that, they chatted a little through the internet. That’s all. Perhaps I am really fallen out with the times. If a man I barely know ask me out for a dinner in a strange city, the instinct of self-protect would immediate spring into the place. No matter how I was attracted, the answer would definitely be No. I am  stunned that she could drop all guards so easily.

Perhaps that's the difference between the 80's and the 70's. Or Just as I said, perhaps I am really out.