“You bought too much, you spend a lot.” My three-year-old son said cheerfully. He was probably too young to understand what he was saying, but for me, those accused words he spaced out were just like stones dropping into the water---too harsh to bear.

I knew exactly where he got it---from his grandpa, my dear father-in-law, and slow-rising anger began to churn in my heart. During their brief visit, he has complained a lot about me to my husband, basically from my spending habit to the way I breathed, but to my three-year-old boy? It was a bit low, even for him.

To prevent the anger rising to boiling point, I muttered under my breath. “He is only a guest, and he won’t stay forever; He is old, and I should respect the old; he doesn’t mean any harm, and after all he gave the life to the man I loved, for that I should be grateful.” My pep talk did work in one way or another, but with a lingering sense of bitterness, I could feel how fragile my control was, and how tightly I was stung.

Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, but the trigger is always the same. Among all the things that hurt a marriage, in-law problem definitely comes on the top. It’s unfair to blame my father-in-law for all the troubles we went through, but marriage is all about an adjustment, and he certainly is not the one who has helped. I love my in-laws on the general speaking, but to live with them under the same roof is totally another story. Besides, during this visit, my son gives my father-in-law even more ammunitions than he already should have. 

Nothing could please him. First he was furious that we send my son to a summer kindergarten for holiday. “Do you have the money to burn?” he accused indignantly. In his opinion, kindergarten was a shameful waste. He mentioned proudly many times that my husband was never sent to any nurse school, but conveniently forgot what he had gone through because of this decision. In primary school, he was the only kid who couldn’t read at all---even the numbers had frustrated him. He wet himself twice because of scared and had become the target of malicious jokes ever since. It was his good-humored nature that provided buffers against being overwhelmed by humiliations and helped him survived eventually. And remember it was 30 years ago. No kindergarten now, seriously?  Now a kid at age of six could read, write, do math, play piano and speak English! I have no such ambitions for my son, but standards---definitely yes.

 My experiences told me it was a waste effort to reason with my father-in-law. Therefore, I simply asked “No nursery school, but who will take care of him when we go to work?” “We will.” He said smugly. Here “we” means “my mother-in-law”. Poor her, dashing around to satisfy his whims and taking care of my nephew already wore her out, how could she manage to take care of another whining baby? So we all decide to turn a deaf ear to his advice. But it was only the start.

I should not feed my son with formula milk----it is too expensive. I should not buy him so many toys and clothes. I should not this and I should not that. Probably on some cases he is right. But his endless lectures have almost driven me to the edges.

 seems as if my anger is so close to the surface that he can bring it out every time he sat there to tell me how to be a mother.