Even though it’s already mid-September, the temperature at noon is still a bit high. S, C and I were having lunch at the dining hall. This crowded place certainly didn’t help cooling us down, and beads of sweat started to burst out on S’s forehead. Brushing hair back irritably, S signed: “I felt like wearing a thick scarf, I might have heat rash or something.” Looking at S’s shoulder-length hair, C asked: “Why not tie them up?” “It would look stupid because I don’t have any banged hair.” S answered. “If I were you, I would prefer being comfort.” C giggled, “Perhaps that’s the difference between the single and the married”.

Knowing S, I knew she would not let a tease like that pass. As expected, she snapped: “I don’t think so. A married woman should pay more attentions to her looks. I don’t believe once-married-forever-settled rubbish. Look at what kind of the temptation a married man is facing with. Giving up on yourself is really no good.”

Taking another bit of my food, I said half minded: “That girl does have a point.” That’s really insensitive of us. For a moment we both forgot that C, a mother of one-year-and-a-half energetic baby boy, hasn’t been keen on clothes and make-up for a long time.

C ignored me, but rounded on S: “Tell me about this when you got married and had a child. When you had to feed, change diapers, answer endless demands 24 hours a day, when you were so exhausted that once you had time the only thing you could think of is crawling into bed—tell me that you were still in mood for dressing up at that time!”

The temperature seemed to rise up about another 2 C degree, but it had nothing to do with the weather.

I coughed, pondering whether to change the subject or not, but finally decided not. For one thing, I was clueless about how. Second, they are both grownups and they would survive this, meanwhile I was curious about where this argument might go.

“But you are exaggerating. It’s not that bad!”S showed no signs of backing down, “And you can always hire a helping hand. I just don’t get it, why a mother should give up so much and revolve everything around her child? I’m for M on this matter, he is the father, but he still plays basketballs, still hangs out with his friends, and still goes out a lot. I don’t see any changes in him!” M is C’s husband, and we all work at the same company.

I guess partly because of the heat, partly because S got really tired of us talking about baby-feeding, she finally decided to break out. For either reason, she went a bit unfair there so I cut in: “If both of them act like that, poor B (their son) would be screwed.” I see her expression and continued: “I know there are the helping hands and everything, but it’s different. Certain change is unavoidable, and you would get it at the right time, believe me.” We changed the subject but I could feel the argument was still hanging around. Despite all the talks about inner beauty, we all know that outside appearance does count on many ways. But what we could do, or how much we could do about it? There are some of my random thoughts about this matter:

Is this losing battle really worthy of fighting?

Staying forever young is just a wishful thinking. Time is the great leveler, leaving us all unavoidable marks eventually. To fight the time, is like to fight a losing battle. No one could win. But we can always choose to lose with grace, with a good fight. There is nothing wrong trying to look good, from 8 to 80. However like handling many other things on the world, you need to draw a line and sort out the priorities. Too many or too less attentions on your looks might lead to the same disastrous ending.

Whom is you are dressing up for?

Your lover or your husband? NO! To maintain a relationship is complicated and it requires something more multifaceted than simply a pretty face. A woman with only beauty to boast would bore any man after the newness wears off, no matter how stunning her look might be---let along beauty won’t last forever. Being slovenly certainly doesn’t help maintaining a relationship, but building your life around trying to please your man, mirroring back only what he wants to be, is also a huge mistake. I am no expert here, but I see too many failed relationships to ignore the consequences.

If I dressed up, I dressed up for myself. If I look good, I would feel good. Only if I felt good, I could make the others happy---as simple as that.