12 emails, 3 reports, 2 claims, and many other matters to handle, matters time-consuming but too small to be worth mentioning, like hotel booking, car renting, claims checking on and on, that is what I have done for today, things I kept dealing with from the minute I walked into the office at 8:30 o’clock in the morning until now. An annual workshop will be held in Chengdu, and loads of arrangements need to be settled. The fact that this workshop happens to be held at the same time when Western China International Economic & Trade Fair is opening makes it worse . Even task like hotel booking has developed aggravating complications.

Now I still have a report to run, a slides to check, a speech to prepare, a project to start---but I found it difficult to concentrate. “Not response Error” occurred again to a crap system which I need to run a report from, giving me a perfect excuse to relax a bit. Please don’t get me wrong, for most of time I love my job, love what I am doing, but there’s always a time I could hear a doubtful voice coming from inside: “Is this all? Is this all you could get?” I am not an aggressive person, never a career-driven type but when some of my friends got promoted, when some worked their way up the corporate ladder as higher as CEO, when some started running their own business, I couldn’t help but questioning myself: “ Am I too content with where I am?”  

I’ve been working as an assistant for years. I’m good at what I am doing, but that’s all. By many standards our society has provided, I am not a success, far from it. I know what’s my problem is, I am simply not up to par. I am neither talent nor ambitious enough to go any further. I have been surrounded by beautiful, charming people, but unfortunately none of their magic self-assurances rubs off on me. Social function, the golden path leading to success, has still been an exercise in endurance for me.

Perhaps I should not let my mind wondering along this direction. Everyone has his own destiny. I should cherish what I have owned and find a way to make peace with myself. I remembered yesterday someone left a comment at my blog says that she envies me. A person, even as ordinary as I am, still has something shining---perhaps that’s really enough.