“What the hell are you thinking?” after heard that a primary school forced those troubled students (low grades, bad behavior) to wear green scarf as sort of punishment, I wanted to shake the person in charge until his teeth rattled, until he regained his senses. Labeling a kid as loser before he even got the chance to prove himself--this was definitely the Superb Bowl of all foolish ideas.

I, once being crowned as top student, and also once being known as bottom-line girl in school, know exactly what’s like to be labeled.

Here is my story, the story I’ve never told a living soul before. It’s a bit long, so I’d like to express my great gratitude here to those who have the patience to read it through. I hope my personal experiences could shed light on this matter, and make you think twice before casually putting a Person into some certain catalogue.

As I said, I had my glory moments in school. I was great at English, good at Chinese and History, and my Math was not bad. I struggled a bit with Physics and Chemistry , but these two were not enough to drag me down---I still managed at top three at the end of the first year in high school.  

Now do they still ask high school students to choose between literal arts and science in junior year? For me, that’s where my downfall had begun.

You might already figure out that I was Literal Person through and through. Choose right, you might say I fit well for the system. Politics would still be a nightmare, but I could certainly manage to survive just one. On the contray if I chose Science, plus Politics, I still had Physics, Biology, Chemistry to deal with---it would like trapping in nightmare jungles forever. I knew my number, and I always knew which major i'd like to choose in College: English. So I never gave a second thought to Science until the Big Choosing Day came.

My parents believed that the society would held more job opportunities for science graduate, and they persuaded me to choose as they wanted. Like I said, I was too eager to be  a good daughter, I never knew how to say No to my parents. In the end, I caved in and chose the one I sulk. To make it clear, I never blamed my parents for that decision. I understand in life, there are moments you have to make decision and take the consequences. The responsibilities laid on you, only you, not anyone else. But if I was given the second chance, if magically I could turn back the time, I would channel everything I got into an implacable refusal, I would magic-up my NO, amplify it, stick to my original choice and would never, never gave in.

However, life allows no ifs.

I tried, I really tried. I forced myself to concentrate on things I don't like, to restrict time on the subject I really love---like my teacher kindly pointed out, I could always get 95 or above in English, even I could manage 100 (of course that’s impossible), what’s the use of that extra 5 points while I still need at least sixty or more to fulfill my dream? I tried, but I was still a messy-up in those subjects I hated. Eventually I guess I just stopped trying.

It took only one year for me to fall from the top to the bottom. In parent meeting, the school would divide the parents into two groups: one is for those their children have promising future---that is, go to the colleague, one is not. A year later, my mum found herself sitting in the latter one---something she’d never thought would happen.

Surprisingly, or not surprisingly, I failed my entrance exam to college. Just I thought I had already hit the bottom, I found that my life’s downward spiral had just begun.  

Here is for today.  And To be continued…..