You are absolutely right. I have only two options: Cling to my daydream like a fool or be grown-up and drop it, for this dream would eventually kill me. What an easy option__open-and-shut. However, life has never been that simple. If you were me, you would understand.

But you were not me. You’d never had the promise of a blissful future; held everything you’d ever wanted right there in the palms of your hands, and then the fate just took them away and left you in the world of endless emptiness and relentless memories. You’d never needed to summon all your strengths just to wake up, get dress and act like perfectly normal while you were actually dying inside. You had never lived in a kind of excruciating suspension, a bundle of tension and grief---two years of waiting, praying, and the only thing standing most firmly between you and the gates of hell itself is hope. No matter how treacherous this hope might be, if you were me,  you would cling to it desperately and never say give up. But you were not me. How could you possibly understand what I feel and what I am going through? In fact, I have no choice. If I give up this dream, I had nothing left, and there would be nothing to keep me fighting another day.