In my blog “Love conquers all?” I mentioned two breakups. J, a 36 year old male, his nine-year-marriage ended up in divorce while almost at the same time K, a 37 year old female, put an end to a two year relationship. Different stories, but similar endings. You could say both of them have made the right decisions. Instead of trapping in a helpless relationship, they chose to cut loose and move on. But it does not mean that they had escaped without any emotional scars---they both had been terribly, brutally and deeply wounded. There was time both of them had almost reached to a breaking point.

         Two months later, things have changed dramatically. J met a girl, fell in love and already planned to get married and have a baby. K, on the other hand, still could not step out of the past shadows. With a broken heart, she decided to run as far as she could and next month she will go abroad for a six months’ project.

      I hate to ascribe that to the gender differences, but I can’t help. They have been treated significantly different after their breakups, and except the fact that they are belong to different camps God have created for human being, I couldn’t figure out any other reasonable explanations.

        For J, it didn’t take any troubles for him to gather all the supports he needed to go through this mess. His friends, his family, his coworkers all offered their comforts, cares and helps. Match makers lined up in front of his door and soon he found himself too busy going out on one blinddate after another to feel sorry for himself.

       For K, it’s quite another picture. She kept this relationship in dark. Only a few friends knew the truth and although they does express their concerns, they also flash an I-told-you-so look every time they talk about this breakup. Her parents treat her as always: she’s still the sinner, the outcast in the family. Her biggest crime, her only crime, is she failed to marry her off in time, she missed her train. Because of that, it seems that she have been sentenced to a lifelong imprisonment. Because of that, Time Heals has become a cruel joke, because Time is not her rescuer, but her biggest enemy. All kinds of pressures are suffocating her, stealing the air she needed to breathe. Every day has become a torture as she creeps another inch closer to falling apart. 

       She is smart, sweet temper, and not bad looking. The only problem is she is a romanticist through and through. She had her chance, but she was too sensitive to live under some other’s emotional leftovers. For years she’s been waiting for her Mr.Right showing up. He finally came. In many ways, her ex is her perfect match. He could see through her fascade to understand who she really is. However, age gap has become such a barrier that even their love could not cross over---her ex is younger, much younger than her. Finally they caved in under the pressures.

        J is also a romanticist---not in love, but in career. He always wants a perfect job, and he can’t stand any flaws in his job like sloppy coworkers, picky boss, or unfair treatment. That’s why he couldn’t hold on to a job for too long. Luckily, because of his gay character and wide circle of friends, he could always find another job soon after resignation.

       Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Although we are both now living in the earth, we are measured differently, and ruled by different laws. Despite all the talks about equality, in many ways the world is still the old boy’s play yard.  Any time we tried to forget that, life would give us a refresher lesson.