This morning as soon as I opened my mind, I was seized by a sudden rush of dizziness, flooring and nearly overwhelming. I took a moment to gather myself. When things around me finally came back to focus, I managed to stand up. Last night was terrible. I was tortured by the recurrent attacks of arthritis, nightmares and insomnia. Under such situation, it’s a miracle that I still had managed a few minutes of sleep. Life holds tons of possibilities, really.

When I arrived at my office, I didn’t feel any better. My ugly mood not only came from lack of sleep, but also the fact that the outside was still raining, which meant that in the following few days, my joints would keep hurting like hell. I was tired all the way to the bones. Like always, a cup of coffee kicked me into fully awake, and then I started to go through motions. No matter what, I couldn’t let things pile up.

Emails, records, memos. My fingers paused at the keyboards for a moment before I sent out a reminder. There was a name in the distribution list which should not have. Jeffrey, who had worked for the company many years, had already left and apparently I’d forgotten to delete his name from the list. Rumor said that there would be more. A stray thought drifted through my clouded mind, and I wonder what would I react if it happened to me? I shrugged away that thought, after all, no need to cross the bridge until got to it.

I needed some break so I started surfing my favorite taobao shop. Today it would release many new items and I found several of them very attractive---which means spending. Expert would say that spending away your dark mood is like eating it away, it backfires and sooner or later, your old problems would come back to bite you. But I feel better now, so screw the expert.

That’s one day of my life. Time flies by, every day adds something up and takes something away. What’s important is how to deal with these loses and gains. I know I’m not doing it well, but at least I am learning, so there is still hope.