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Love has a tough side
Hot 4 ||
Today, you got yourself hurt. I told you not to play with your breakfast, but apparently you didn’t listen. A few minutes later, I heard you a big bang and then you start to scream. I rushed to you and it was a minute too late.
You were playing with a cup of water and suddenly the boiled water poured out and all spilled on your upper thighs. A sharp pain speared my temples when I saw your burnt skin, as if the scalding water not only hurt you but also burnt my eyes.
In a second I want to hug you, comfort you like everyone else did. However, an alarm buried deep inside recoiled at the idea fussing over you again. I steeled myself to stay calm and applied the unguent to the wound. “It’s not a big deal. Getting hurt is just a part of grown-up. I guess next time you would know better. “I heard myself said in a calm, almost disconnected tone. You looked up, with tears in your eyes, and your big eyes seemed to look directly into my heart.
Your grandma asked: “Who put that cup on the table? It’s not even closed!” I cut her short and look directly back into your eyes: “You can’t blame this for anyone else but yourself. You know it, right? I told you stop playing and attend to your breakfast.” Hesitated a bit, you nod your head. Signed, I ruffled up your hair a bit.
When we were out of your room, grandma said to me accusingly: “He’s just a kid. You can’t be too careful with a kid.” “He is 8 years old. We can’t revolve ourselves around watching over him and monitoring his every move. “I seldom gave grandma any back-chat, but not this time. I hate this. My normal modus operandi is to avoid confrontation, to not speak up, but I want to stand my ground for this. As your mother, I have to do whatever necessary, sometimes the necessary was not so pleasant, but that not made it any less necessary.
There was an alarm buried deep inside, an alarm said that “We might ruin you with overprotection, too much fuss over and so called love.” One child in a family, such cases just happen again and again. We have not gone that far, but the possibility is always there, looming like a storm cloud that never quite reached, but kept me checking its position time to time.
Dear, I can’t protect you forever---even I could, I would not. You have to learn to deal with frustrations, hurts, pains---they are part of life---and sometimes the best way to learn is to learn from them.
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Post comment Comment (11 replies)
- Reply sunnyv
- An overprotected kid would never realize real dangers and potential hazards. A child from a rich family is likely to be spoiled, reliant, lack independence and would not be able to survive in the world we are in today. You should be grateful that this minor incident happened because it would prevent a lot of future hurtful incidents. Tell a kid a thousand times, the dangers of fire and hot water, it would be of no use, but just burnt once and it is enough for him.
I had a niece who would sneak into the kitchen whenever I turn my back. There are lots of dangers in there. She kept doing that despite scoldings and punishments. One day I found her in the kitchen and I angrily took her hands to briefly touch a hot kettle, she withdrawn her hand immediately and started crying. Since then she never ventured into the kitchen. When I was small, I myself never knew the dangers of cars until one day I saw a cat overrun by a car, suffering great pain and this taught me to be careful with cars. You should also let your kid learn this way even though it is a bit gruesome.
He has learnt his lesson and is on his way the learn more. We all have to learn the hard way, so let him learn that way too. Precious little kid.
- Reply bluephoebe
- To be spoiled and overprotected, that’s the one I’ve worried the most. As the only child in a family, he has six adults always hanging around. No need to struggle for attentions, their generation already has it too much. That’s not a good sign. A good personality needs to be forged in fire and hardship---as you said, to learn it in hard way. I really hope he could learn something from this incident.
sunnyv: An overprotected kid would never realize real dangers and potential hazards. A child from a rich family is likely to be spoiled, reliant, lack indepen ...
- Reply Ausfrank
- Usually parents and grandparents always have different views over how to look after their young kids. As I can see from your story above, you wanted your son whom ignored your warning to learn his lesson from hurting himself as a result. However the grandparents overlooked their grandson’s bad behaviours and blamed you for taking a harsh reaction towards the “innocent” because he is just too young.
I can understand why you were upset about it. If I were you, I will try to do the same but with a different manner. Why? If you are with Kings and Queens under a roof then you got to be more sensible to do things, right?
Firstly you need to do whatever grandma likes to do. Soon after she left, you pour another cup of hot water and give to your son to play, making sure it not too hot. Ask him to dip his finger into the cap. I bet him, he won’t try it again. As he is already calm down so you can start to teach him about your tough side love lesson.
Secondly you need to encourage you son to participate some sports. By doing sport, kids will not only become tougher and gain self-confident also can learn about team work. Also try to find a good coach and good club for him as well. As these sports activities will be away from “the palace”. You will have full control.
Please know that I am not a consultant, I wrote the above just for fun.
- Reply Scarlett_Lin
- I had a similar experience like your child. When I was young, I was sent to kingdergarten and I could only go back home on weekends. I relied deeply on my parents and missed them every time I was alone at night. One surprising night, my mother brought me some soup. I am overexcited, claiming that I wanted to pour the soup out to the bowl myself. Then both of my whole legs got scalded. My mom was scared and bought some unguent for me immdediately, and left when I went to sleep. That night, the pain made me sober. As a sufferer too in a water-burning accident and also a sufferer hearing the complaints from Queens and the King though I have no child now, I approved Ausfrank‘s words, his first point. I think his way of teaching is better.
- Reply bluephoebe
- Thanks for your kindly consideration. I understand your concerns. I might not make it clear, here, grandpa and grandma is my parents, not my in-laws. They come to help me taking care of my son during summer holiday and we don’t actually live together. With my in-laws, I might be more careful. But you are right, there’s always a big gap between two generations in regard to raising a child. Usually I would take your way and avoid any unnecessary confrontation. However, this time, I felt upset. If my son is only 4 years old, the only lesson I expect him to learn from this incident is “ Stay away from hot water---it’s danger.” For that, there’s no need for any more talk. He already learnt it in a hard way and I’m sure he won’t forget it easily. But he is 8 years now. The most important lesson I want him to learn is: “Take the consequences for your behavior, and never, never shake off your responsibilities.” That’s why I stop my mum trying to blame the others for this incident---in a rather blatant way. You know, he is still at a age where he would keep asking: “ Who is the bad guy?” when watches a movie, for him, the world is either white or black. As for grey, what’s that about? Which means he won’t understant the tactics of communication in the adults world. If I pretend to agree with my mum first, and close the door I played double face with him, that would only make him confuse. The only logical he read into it would be: You don’t say that in front of grandma---you must tell a lie---why should I listen to you?
Ausfrank: Usually parents and grandparents always have different views over how to look after their young kids. As I can see from your story above, you wanted y ...
Perhaps I think it too much. I’m gratitude about my parents’ help. But my hair on the neck stands every time when they acts like revolving their whole world around him. Perhaps I ask too much, nothing is perfect in this unperfect world.
- Reply bluephoebe
- Poor baby, you are still so young, it’s must be terrible for you. At that age, when such things happened, all you need is cuddle, comfort and hug, certainly not any talk on this. But in my son’s case, he is already eight years old, and after things happened, he already got enough cuddles and comforts, there need someone to stand up and play the Bad gay. It’s against my natuer to take that role, but unfortuately, after things happened, my husband blamed himself for puting that cup of water on the table, my mums blamed us for not watching over him carefully, but acutally it’s downright his own fault. He is 8, and he knows it’s danger to play with a cup of hot water. Still he turned a deaf ear to the adult’s advice and played with it. He didn’t fumble it down by accidently, but played with it trying to show how handy he is in front of his cousin. Therefore he must face with the consequences. Since every one was busy finding an excuse for him, I had to pointed that out to him: “ Don’t blame the others for what you have done. Have the balls and take the consequences.” It’s harsh but necessary. Like when a toddler stumbled over a chair, grandma hit the chair and said “Bad chair, bad chair, you trampled my baby down!” The toddler might feel comfort at that moment, but in a long run, it is not good for his/her upbringing. The wound on the skin would eventually scarred over, but a wound on the personality would not cured that easily. As a mother, i have to comtemplate on all the pros and cons before making a decsion.
Scarlett_Lin: I had a similar experience like your child. When I was young, I was sent to kingdergarten and I could only go back home on weekends. I relied deeply o ...
- Reply Scarlett_Lin
- Hi, I think your reply was excellent though it is a little bit tough. And now I understand that your child was just wanting to show off himself by unconciously hurting himself. It must be your words within for a very long time so that you can say it out so long and aloud. I think I should learn your persistence and smartness in dealing with a child in the future. Haha!
bluephoebe: Thanks for your kindly consideration. I understand your concerns. I might not make it clear, here, grandpa and grandma is my parents, not my in-laws. ...
- Reply Scarlett_Lin
- Hi, I think your reply was excellent though it is a little bit tough. And now I understand that your child was just wanting to show off himself by unconciously hurting himself. It must be your words within for a very long time so that you can say it out so long and aloud. I think I should learn your persistence and smartness in dealing with a child in the future. Haha!
bluephoebe: Thanks for your kindly consideration. I understand your concerns. I might not make it clear, here, grandpa and grandma is my parents, not my in-laws. ...
- Reply lovingfun
- Nowdays, children are really indulged by parents, or grandparents. Due to huge life pressure, too many parents haven't got enough time with their kids, they feel a little bit guilty, so they do their best to meet kids' demands, no matter they sensed or not. It is understandable, but for upbring children, it is really bad for them.
We should learn how to deal with them, not too harsh, not too indulge, we should learn say "no" to them , when they demand something unreasable, but we shouldn't scold them ,for kids are kids, we try our best to let them know why that deeds isn't right, we must be patience. If they couldn't understand, we need to wait some time till they know.
All in all, upbring children isn't easy, we need some knowledge, some patience, and some sense.
- Reply Ausfrank
- Oh, you are a smart mother.
bluephoebe: Thanks for your kindly consideration. I understand your concerns. I might not make it clear, here, grandpa and grandma is my parents, not my in-laws. ...
Yes, we should think of it more widely before going further. Educate your child is more important than others at that time and he definitely will imitate what your attitude regardless right or wrong. You had made a good judgement and I support your idea. Hope your influences can make your son change.
By the way, it was nice to have your feedback.
- Reply bluephoebe
- Yes, being a parent is not easy. There's so much to learn. I'm still fumbling on that way. Walking carefully between being too rough and being too soft. Mistakes still made. Sometimes doing the right thing is the wrong thing to do, and vice versa. But parenting is not something you can quit. all we can do is trying our best.
lovingfun: Nowdays, children are really indulged by parents, or grandparents. Due to huge life pressure, too many parents haven't got enough time with their kids ...
