Every time when New Year is around the corner, I would become nervous and be out of place all the time. I feel like an alien among my own kindred, as if mother nature cast me among certain surroundings that I don’t belong to, and I have a deep nostalgia for a home I know not.

All I could manage is to remain aloof, that’s the only armor I could depend on to hide my uneasiness and upsets. The sense of strangeness almost kills me.

Yes, I have a big problem: I don’t drink. I am bit of allergic to alcohol. It’s not something serious. Drinking won’t kill me, but it will make my skin itchy like hell, not the part of skin that expose to the others like face, arms, but more private parts, such as armpits, thighs. So, even if I told the others that I don’t drink because I am allergic, nobody would believe me.

In a country where business drinking prevails all, It’s more like a curse, really.

To make it worse, if possible, the unpleasantness I had endured afterwards, when occasionally drinking was unavoidable, has already produced a chain of reactions. I become stiff even at the sight of the wine, and I am extremely uncomfortable in any social events when drinking is involved—that’s almost make it all.

I know in our society, for many, drinking is the best way to bring people together and the culture of drinking should be place on the throne to worship. For me, nothing could be more effective to draw me away from the others.

Moutai shares hit new high recently. Looks like a year-long government crackdown on graft went into vain eventually. While the whole world is celebrating the return of business drinking, I’ve already used up all my strengths to pretend to be happy.

I know that my terrible table manner has already impressed the authorities, and not in the good way.

Last night at Annual Dinner, a time was supposed to celebrate with your colleagues and a chance to please your bosses, I tried so hard to have some fun, when everybody else got themselves drunk on either rosy or gloomy outlook.

Most of time, I was just sitting at my little corner, pretending to feel content.

 It’s said that there is another round of lay off this year. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprise if one day I found that my name is on it.