It was an outbreak of emotions, I lost it and I’m really sorry that this happened.

It was a long day, I was exhausted and most of all, I was scared. You are always the spine of the family, and there was something in you that encourage me to fight even in the most difficult situation. Therefore, when I saw the doubts, the depressions, even the despairs in your eyes, I was totally freaked out. And I shouldn’t. We were supposed to support and comfort each other. It’s just my turn but I failed.

You’ve already been in bed for about a month. I think it’s Okay to feel depressed. For anyone, it is grueling, terrible, and even cruel if their live were squeezed into such a thimble. I really should not burden you any more with my worries. You know I am kind of the person who got their feelings written all over their face.

The one charm of marriage is that sometimes deception is absolutely necessary for both parties. I should have learned that.

However, we should always keep that in mind. Life has its ups and downs. Adversity are not bad on the whole because it can tough us up, make us to become something better, something stronger.

It’s a tough period for both of us. But try to see it as battle we must fight. Embrace it, let it penetrate us but not be defeated by unnecessary worries and fears. Perhaps someday, we could have something to boast to our grandchildren.

You are making progress. Even it’s painfully slow, but a progress is still a progress. We should focus fully on that.

Now, all we need is just a bit of luck. But luck, real luck ends where a sad expression begins. Sadness is in itself a mode of exaggeration, and scares any luck off.

So my first priority now is to ensure this doesn’t happen again. And there are a few things that I think I need to do to ensure that.

One is taking care of myself and having a good sleep. Lack of sleep makes me edgy and sapped all the strengthens I need to fight this war. I’ll force myself to sleep, even I have to turn to the pills.

And the other is, I should cheer up, looking at the things from the positive side. Pleasure is energy reciprocated. What you put out comes back. I believe, if I try really hard, even just pretend at first, the energy I put out could eventually reach you.

The least but not the last, I just want you to know, that you are not alone, and let’s face this together.