“Crap!”

Without warning, my car bucked wildly twice before it jerked to another unwanted stop. What’s the hell? But I had no time to figure out what I did wrong this time because the angry honking being hurled at me from all directions was hardly to overlook.

I am a lousy driver and I knew it. I made a huge mistake when I decided to drive to my office this morning. My husband was on a business trip and no one could offer me a ride today.  The idea of walking twenty minutes to bus stop then jostling to the overcrowded bus and staying there for another hour seemed to be appalling at that time. I overrated my driving abilities. Several lessons at driving school and pure luck to shakily pass the test certainly was not enough to enable me to navigate around the city streets, especially during this crazy rush hour. With extremely luck or a miracle, I somehow managed to arrive at the office in the morning safe and sound, However, here I was, stuck amid this monstrous and damned twilight traffic, and the stress almost sent my body into a complete meltdown. To save my life, I had to stop.

Generally speaking, I am content with my life. I don’t mind hard working and I would be driven crazy if I idle around all the day.  However in this special moment, I realized that I had missed out something in life and nothing could change that. Soon, I would resume to my all-too-predictable life.  Nevertheless, this peaceful, leisure moment was mine. I fumbled around and found a cigarette in the front drawer. It belonged to my husband. Suddenly I felt a perfectly vicious cigarette craving coming on. I quit smoking long time ago. Have never wanted to since then. But if ever a moment was ripe to pick up old friendship, it was here and now, with no one sit there in judgment, no matter what I might do. I lit a cigarette, and the scent of familiarity filled the air. Yes, this moment was exclusively mine. Sitting in this narrow place, I felt strangely free.