I am just coming back from English saloon. It is my second time there and  it is not bad ---even though I almost ran away from it near the end. Before I went to that bookstore, I had conjured up a lot of excuses not to go: it is going to rain; I haven’t fully recovered yet. However I forced myself to go.

Considering the fact that I was the only female member of my group, it was not surprising that I was selected to be the leader. That means I had to make that damn presentation. And tonight the topic was betray and lies. How irony of it is---the last topic I wanted to talk about. I was really a lucky girl.

Most of them talked fluent English. I was slurring my words all the time and sometimes I even didn’t know what I was babbling about. How sadly that words can come easily and freely from my fingertips when I am hiding behind my lap screen, but always get stuck on the tip of my tongue when I tries to speak them out. I knew where my problem was. Only confidence translates into competence, however, I have been miserable lacking in that quality. Perhaps next time it will be better.

It is miserable, just to think of it, a person at my age still struggle a lot to build confidence from such fragile self-esteem. But who knows, perhaps every ugly ducking has a shot at becoming a beautiful swan---once she grows out of all the awkwardness of immaturity and self-doubts. Perhaps one day I will find out who I am and come to peace with myself.