Maybe no one gonna call this situation despair. but to me it is. actually i am totally a negative person. living in a strange city and many many things, i can display a huge of bad things. sure you can say they are part of life, and they are normal  to others.  yes correct. i totally believe you.  but you are not helping me, untill the end i have to live alone, to face to fact alone, to despair alone. 

To me the word is simple, if white or black, the good guy or bad one. but it's not life, life is more complicated, even harder than a formula. there are a lot of problems in front of me. the bigest one is in my heart. it has appeared for a great long time. i try to ignore it over and over again. and sometimes i can not ignore it again, so i try to solve it. thinking it over at night, till the next morning i can not find out the answer. It is the root cause.

Father told me , your life should be colourful just like other young. Mon told me , you should take care of yourself. yes. i know i have a lot of "should" but "will". life is your thing, you spend your time、you see your view .what are you gonna deal with the journey ?

even today or even now , i can not find the answer . what about tomorrow? i hope so.