i participated in CCTV cup English speaking competition and didn't make it to provincial level,which,i have to say, is a huge blow of ego  but it's the best i can try this time,indeed.

when the result was announced ,i cannot see anything but a vast expanse of sadness and disappointment because tears have already blurred my eyes.

  interestingly , it's the first time i cried so hard for something like that.it's even beyond myself why i turned so emotional when i should have kept my chin up and stood high.

  yes i cried for all the efforts made to strive for that shinny but unattainable stage.i cried for everyone who has always been there for me ,my parents ,my friends ,my classmates.i'm sorry i didn't make it.

  i cried my way from the auditorium to the dormitory,not knowing what i am doing and where i am going.it's the longest and darkest distance i have ever covered in my memory.i haven't slept a wink for the last two nights,tossing and turning at the thought of the unexpected failure.

  it took a while for the mental turbulence to ebb away.i need a good rest ,both physically and psychologically to clear off all the debris and start over.In some sense ,i'm like a little kid who took it for granted that the road ahead is smooth, however stumbled and fell so hard.maybe i should learn how to walk with bumps along the way.

  JK.Rowling said "it's impossible to live without failing something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well have never lived at all,in which case you fail by default". failure is inevitable.your life is largely shaped by the way you deal with it and your definition of success bears on your attitude toward failure.

  Then what is success? money?fame?power?money will be spent .fame will fade away.power can be seized.they are not success.