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Start of my Campus life
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When I was a child, my dream was to be a nurse, I don’t know why I have this idea, and maybe I was told by my parents.
But when I was graduated from Junior High school, I still choose to go to Senior High school to complete comprehensive education instead, and in the end, I went to university and got double Associate degree. I don’t have any regrets for my campus life, it was rich and full.
When I received the Letter of acceptance, I was so excited, and my parents and younger brother was also very pleased as I’ll go to university for further study, I thanked my parents very much, on that time, my younger brother was in Senior Higher School, and will be a student of Grade 3, however, my parents still faced the economy pressure and successes in afford tuition and daily cost on me and my younger brother in following 5 years, they work hard and diligent, and they always believe the belief of “Knowledge changes the destiny”, and today, the facts prove that they are correct, and sincerely thanks my great dad and mum.
The day of register was approaching, my dad took me to my university in the morning, and from then on, everything in front of me was so fresh and nice, I knew nothing about the world. My dad helped to register and make the bed, put everything in order, and gave me some suggestions, at 4 PM, my dad went back home, and left me alone in university, fortunately, we have 8 girls in one dormitory, I still remembered, one of my roommates’ mother said, among eight of you, who looks youngest? And they looked at me, and the aunt said, yes, she looked youngest, on her right side, her daughter was lightly weeping, who became one of my best friends later, I was upset, I dislike the one who comment me that I look younger and like a child, and now, when I recall the past, I’m happy, it’s pleased to hear the one who told you you’re young, at least, now, I’d like to hear the one who comment me that I like a university student.
Night began to fall, all of our parents went back home or went to school’s Rest House, I didn’t remember how could I sleep well since I never away home for so far.
My campus was begun, and a new dream was waiting for me, and it’s truly that I grow-up and more intelligent in following years.
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Post comment Comment (5 replies)
- Reply sedgehead
- Here’s a few comments as you requested. Remember, even if you were a native speaker of English, I would probably edit what you write quite heavily. I am, after all, a professional writer and editor! Suggestions are not always corrections!
>>When I was a child, my dream was to be a nurse, I don’t know why I have this idea, and maybe I was told by my parents.
Comments: This is more than one sentence. I suggest:
When I was a child, my dream was to be a nurse. I don’t know why I had this idea. Maybe my parents gave me the idea.
>>But when I was graduated from Junior High school, I still choose to go to Senior High school to complete comprehensive education instead, and in the end, I went to university and got double Associate degree.
These are not specific schools, so the names do not need to be capitalized.
Revised: But when I was graduated from junior high, I still choose to go to high school to get a comprehensive education instead of going to nursing school. In the end, I went to a university and received a double associate degree.
>>When I received the Letter of acceptance, I was so excited, and my parents and younger brother was also very pleased as I’ll go to university for further study, I thanked my parents very much, on that time, my younger brother was in Senior Higher School, and will be a student of Grade 3, however, my parents still faced the economy pressure and successes in afford tuition and daily cost on me and my younger brother in following 5 years, they work hard and diligent, and they always believe the belief of “Knowledge changes the destiny”, and today, the facts prove that they are correct, and sincerely thanks my great dad and mum.
I would say that is one LONG sentence! You need to find the period key on your computer and use it more often! Ha! I’m not laughing AT you! I’m trying to help you remember some general rules. If I say things in crazy ways, you are more likely to remember what I said! Consider replying to me and using five or six sentences instead of one to re-write the above paragraph!
>>The day of register was approaching, my dad took me to my university in the morning, and from then on, everything in front of me was so fresh and nice, I knew nothing about the world.
I suggest: Registration day was approaching. My dad . . . nice. I knew . . . .
I’ll revise this paragraph as an example. See if you can find all the changes.
>>My dad helped to register and helped me make my bed, put everything in order, and gave me some suggestions. At 4 PM, my dad went back home, and left me alone at the university. Fortunately, we had 8 girls in one dormitory room. I still remembered, one of my roommate’s mothers said, “Among eight of you, who looks youngest?” Everyone looked at me, and the aunt said, “Yes, she looks the youngest.” At her right side, her daughter was crying a little. She later became one of my best friends. I was upset. I disliked the one who commented about me saying I looked younger and like a child. Now, when I recall the past, I’m happy. It’s pleasing to hear the one who told you you’re young. At least, now, I’d like to hear the one who commented about me that I look like a university student.
>>Night began to fall, all of our parents went back home or went to school’s Rest House, I didn’t remember how could I sleep well since I never away home for so far. My campus was begun, and a new dream was waiting for me, and it’s truly that I grow-up and more intelligent in following years.
I’m not going to correct or edit that paragraph. You can look at what I’ve done elsewhere and consider similar changes. You’d enjoy reading my books about my young life, Windsong and Ode to a Cold Night. The Ode tells about how it feels to be alone in college away from the comforts of home. Your blog reminded me of it!
pH
- Reply qinqinjennifer
- sedgehead: Here’s a few comments as you requested. Remember, even if you were a native speaker of English, I would probably edit what you write quite heavily.Dear PH,
Sincerely thanks for your kind help. After revising, this blog looks perfect.
Will you please check again? As I've revised according to your kind suggestion.
When I was a child, my dream was to be a nurse. I don’t know why I had this idea. Maybe my parents gave me the idea. --> Thanks..
But when I was graduated from junior high, I still choose to go to high school to get a comprehensive education instead of going to nursing school. In the end, I went to a university and received a double associate degree. --> Thanks.
The paragraph need to revised: --> When I received the Letter of acceptance, I was so excited, my parents and my younger brother were also happy for I’ll go to university for further study. On that time, my younger brother was in high school, and will be a student of Grade 3. However, my parents faced the economy pressure and succeeded in affording tuition and daily cost on me and my younger brother in following 5 years. They worked hard and diligent, and they always believe the belief of “Knowledge changes the destiny”. Today, our current status proves they are correct, and I sincerely thank my great dad and mum very much. --> I think better than before. Thanks.
Registration day was approaching. My dad took me to my university in the morning, and from then on, everything in front of me was so fresh and nice, I knew nothing about the world. --> Thanks.
My dad helped to register and helped me make my bed, put everything in order, and gave me some suggestions, at 4 PM, my dad went back home, and left me alone at my university. Fortunately, we had 8 girls in one dormitory room, I still remembered, one of my roommate’s mother said, “among eight of you, who looks youngest?” Everyone looked at me, and the aunt said, “yes, she looks youngest.” At her right side, her daughter was crying a little. She later became one of my best friends. I was upset, I disliked the one who commented about me saying I looked younger and like a child. Now, when I recall the past, I’m happy. It’s pleasing to hear the one who told you you’re young. At least, now, I’d like to hear the one who commented about me that I look like a university student. --> Now, looks great, thanks.
Night began to fall, all of our parents went back home or went to school’s Rest House. I didn’t remember how I could sleep well since I never away home for so far. My campus life was begun, and a new dream was waiting for me. --> Just delete the last sentence which is not fit here so much.
I'm looking forward to hearing your kind opinion, thanks.
- Reply snowflying
- dear girl, glad to see your new start in your campus. wish more gain more harvest more progress, cheer for you!
- Reply qinqinjennifer
- snowflying: dear girl, glad to see your new start in your campus. wish more gain more harvest more progress, cheer for you!Thank you.
But I just describe my past campus life experience.
For my new university, need to wait until the beginning of next year.
- Reply snowflying
- qinqinjennifer: Thank you.hi, dear girl, enjoy your days whenever.best wishes,hehe..
But I just describe my past campus life experience.
For my new university, need to wait until the beginning of next year.
