I saw my best friend yesterday.  She lives in New York City now, and I hadn't seen her for a year and a half.  It was great to see her, although... it made me think about a lot of things. 

She said "come move to New York!" and, after so many years, after all that I've been through, I felt the same thing I'd felt a thousand times when we were in high school and college:  I felt the desire to say "yes, okay" rising in my throat.  This time, it didn't make it all the way to my tongue.  Instead I said that no, I won't move to New York only to have her move away from New York this summer.  Which she plans to do.  But even as insane as it would have been to follow her to a far-away city (again) despite not having the money to afford living there, and then after only a few months of being near my best friend, have her move away and be alone in NYC.... even as insane and stupid as that would have been... it was incredibly hard not to say "yes, okay!"

I don't know why we can't ever be in the same place at the same time.  I lived in Beijing for a year and a half, during which time she lived in NYC.  Now I've moved back to the US.  And she is planning to move to Beijing.  I feel great when I'm around her.  I'm not sure what it is.  Even though she was half joking, and I was half joking, it was hard to say no. 

I'd love to be nearer to her.  But, realistically, I can't be near her alone, because then I'd be too dependent on her and that isn't fair to her, and isn't good for friendship. Why am I such a clingy person?  I liked being married.