His Hello was the end of her endings   Her laugh was their first step down the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever was as simple as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer was " I Do."
------- Sex and City

When I was married, I was still a little girl inside, a girl who believed every single word in the fairy tales, a girl who is waiting for a knight in shining armour, come and make her life complete. My self-centered, schoolgirl fantasy made myself land roughly on my marriage life. To be honest, the first month after I married was really a hell for me. First my parents-in-law moved in with us, and then my sister-in-law, with her 4-year-old son, also came from American to visit us. Suddenly I was surrounded by a group of strangers, the strangers who were supposed to be close to me but I barely knew .

 Everyday I was struggling a lot to please them, to adjust myself to the new role of a wife, a daughter, a sister and an auntie. If I were outgoing and sophisticate, things would be much better. But I was so awkward and helplessly shy! No matter how hard I tried, I found it hard to blend in. When they were laughing away, exchanging gossips about old friends, all I could do was sitting there uncomfortably with a polite smile on my face. I tried to include myself in their conversations, but I got all worried and I stammered and said things twice. I didn't only feel silly, but I also looked silly. I hate myself for that. The real loneliness is the loneliness you felt around people. I was so miserable invisible and I yearned for some help and support. The only one I could turn to was my husband. But I was extremely grieved to find that he was not there. He grew so distant and usually came home very late. Even he was at home, he was too busy to converse with the others to spare any time for me.

One night, after another long and painful waiting, he finally showed up. I asked why he came home so late, he only gave me an impatient answer that he needed some time to relax. Frustrated by the familiar pang of rejections, I burst out: " I made a big mistake in marrying you!" There was an awkward painful silence: " As you wish." He finally dropped these words and stormed out of our bedroom. My whole world seemed to be shattered in pieces, and disconnected by these simple words. I couldn't believe we were still in our honeymoon and everything had already changed. Angry tears spilled out of my eyes. I rushed back to my parents' home. When I arrived, without saying hello to my mum, I stomped off at my room for a good cry. " What are you crying for?" my mum asked. I sobbed and told her the whole story. To my surprise, my mum frowned and said: " Girl, this time you went too far." My mum used to be overprotective of me, and my husband was not the ideal type she thought for me. So I couldn't believe that she wasn't on my side and blamed me for all this. " Why did you say that? I did nothing wrong!" I cried. " Really? But the truth is the man you chose to marry has changed, as his wife you even didn't know the reason." " How could I know? He even didn't talk to me." I defended. " Perhaps you've given him too much pressures. Don't say no. I know you didn't mean to. But marriage is nothing like a fairy tale. Sometimes you have to make compromises, sacrifices and cope with his needs. So don't just think about yourself all the time."

I realized there was something true about my mum's words. In those days, I had indulged too much in my own problems; perhaps I did overlook something important. And I heard my mum continued in her gentle but firm voice: " Never say you want a break up unless you really mean it, cause it hurts."

That night I came home and had a heart-to-heart talk with my husband. I finally dig out the truth. My husband's career was on edge. Because of his male pride, and also because he didn't want to worry me, he chose to keep it to himself. " You don't understand," he said embarrassingly, " I am a man, and I should provide you with a comfortable life, but…." I stared at my husband, surprisingly to find his hair had grown a bit thin. I went up to him and we hugged each other: " That's Ok, everything would be fine." I said.

 Yes, everything went out to be all right. Looking back, nine years have passed by since we got married. I would not say that we are perfect couple---we argue, we fight, and we make up, that's all. We have surived a lot and still been together. And i believe that's love, perhaps not the one i once dreamed about.