Collection of Bacon (27)
Of Friendship
It had been hard for him that spake it, to have put more truth and untruth together in few words, than in that speech； Whosoever is delighted in solitude, is either a wild beast, or a god. For it is most true, that a natural and secret hatred, and aversion towards society, in any man, hath somewhat of the savage beast； but it is most untrue, that it should have any character at all of the divine nature； except it proceed, not out of a pleasure in solitude, but out of a love and desire to sequester a man/'s self, or a higher conversation： such as is found, to have been falsely and feignedly, in some of the heathen； as Epimenides the Candian, Numa the Roman, Empedocles the Sicilian, and Apollonius of Tyana； and truly and really, in divers of the ancient hermits, and holy fathers of the Church.
But little do men perceive, what solitude is, and how far it extendeth. For a crowd is not company； and faces are but a gallery of pictures； and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love.
The Latin adage meeteth with it a little； magna civitas, magna solitude； because in a great town, friends are scattered； so that there is not that fellowship, for the most part, which is in less neighbourhoods. But we may go further, and affirm most truly； that it is a mean and miserable solitude, to want true friends； without which the world is but a wilderness： and even in this sense also of solitude, whosoever in the frame of his nature and affections is unfit for friendship, he taketh it of the beast, and not from humanity.
A principal fruit of friendship is the ease and discharge of the fullness and swellings of the heart, which passions of all kinds do cause and induce. We know diseases of stoppings, and suffocations, are the most dangerous in the body； and it is not much otherwise in the mind： you may take sarza to open the liver； steel to open the spleen；flower of sulphur for the lungs； castoreum for the brain； but no receipt openeth the heart, but a true friend, to whom you may impart griefs, joys, fears, hopes, suspicions, counsels, and whatsoever lieth upon the heart, to oppress it, in a kind of civil shrift or confession.
It is a strange thing to observe how high a rate great kings and monarchs do set upon this fruit of friendship, whereof we spoke： so great, as they purchase it, many times, at the hazard of their own safety, and greatness. For princes, in regard of the distance of their fortune from that of their subjects and servants, cannot gather this fruit, except （to make themselves capable thereof） they raise some persons, to be as it were companions, and almost equals to themselves, which many times sorteth to inconvenience.
The modem languages give unto such persons, the name of favourites, or privadoes； as if it were matter of grace, or conversation.
But the Roman name attaineth the true use, and cause thereof； naming them participes durarum； for it is that which tieth the knot. And we see plainly that this hath been done, not by weak and passionate princes only, but by the wisest, and most politic that ever reigned；who have oftentimes joined to themselves some of their servants； whom both themselves have called friends, and allowed others likewise to call them in the same manner, using the word which is received between private men.
L. Sulla, when he commanded Rome, raised Pompey （after surnamed the Great） to that height, that Pompey vaunted himself for Sulla/'s overmatch. For when he had carried the consulship for a friend of his, against the pursuit of Sulla, and that Sulla did a little resent thereat, and began to speak great, Pompey turned upon him again, and in effect bade him be quiet； For that more men adored the sun rising, than the sun setting. With Julius Caesar, Decimus Brutus had obtained that interest, as he set him down in his testament, for heir in remainder, after his nephew.
And this was the man, that had power with him to draw him forth to his death. For when Caesar would have discharged the senate, in regard of some ill presages, and especially a dream of Calpurnia； this man lifted him gently by the arm, out of his chair, telling him,
he hoped he would not dismiss the senate, till his wife had dreamt a better dream.
And it seemeth, his favour was so great, as Antonius in a letter which is recited verbatim, in one of Cicero/'s Philippics, callelh him veneftca, witch； as if he had enchanted Caesar. Augustus raised
Agrippa （though of mean birth） to that height, as when he consulted with Maecenas about the marriage of his daughter Julia, Maecenas took the liberty to tell him, that he must either marry his daughter to Agrippa, or take away his life； there was no third way, he had made him so great. With Tiberius Caesar, Seianus had ascended to that height, as they two were termed and reckoned, as a pair of friends.
Tiberius in a letter to him saith； haecpro amicitia nostra non occultavi： and the whole senate dedicated an altar to friendship, as to a goddess, in respect of the great deamess of friendship between them two. The like or more was between Septimius Severus, and Plautianus. For he forced his eldest son to many the daughter of Plaudainus； and would often maintain Plautianus, in doing affronts to his son： and did write also in a letter to the senate, by these words； I love the man so well, as I wish he may over-live me. Now if these princes had been as a Trajan, or a Marcus Aurelius, a man might have thought, that this had proceeded of an abundant goodness of nature； but being men so wise, of such strength and severity of mind, and so extreme lovers of themselves, as all these were； it proveth most plainly, that they found their own felicity （though as great as ever happened to mortal men） but as an half piece, except they mought have a friend to make it entire： and yet, which is more, they were princes that had wives, sons, nephews； and yet all these could not supply the comfort of friendship.
It is not to be forgotten, what Commineus observeth of his first master Duke Charles the Hardy； namely, mat he would communicate his secrets with none； and least of all, those secrets, which troubled him most Whereupon he goeth on, and saith, that towards his latter time that closeness did impair and a little perish his understanding.
Surely Commineus mought have made the same judgement also, if it had pleased him, of his second master Lewis the Eleventh, whose closeness was indeed his tormentor.
The parable of Pythagoras is dark, but true； cor ne edito； eat not the heart. Certainly, if a man would give it a hard phrase. Those that want friends to open themselves unto, are cannibals of their own hearts. But one thing is most admirable （wherewith I will conclude this first fruit of friendship）, which is that this communicating of a man/'s self to his friend works two contrary effects； for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in halves. For there is no man, that imparteth his joys to his friend, but he joyeth the more； and no man, that imparteth his griefs to his friend, but he grieveth the less. So that it is, in truth of operation upon a man/'s mind, of like virtue, as the alchemists use to attribute to their stone, for man/'s body； that it worketh all contrary effects, but still to the good and benefit of nature. But yet, without praying in aid of alchemists, there is a manifest image of this, in the ordinary course of nature. For in bodies, union strengtheneth and cherisheth any natural action； and, on the other side, weakeneth and dulleth any violent impression： and even so is it of minds.
The second fruit of friendship is healthful and sovereign for the understanding as the first is for the affections. For frendship maketh indeed a fair day in the affections from storm and tempests： but it maketh daylight in the understanding, out of darkness and confusion of thoughts. Neither is this to be understood, only of faithful counsel, which a man receiveth from his friend； but before you come to that, certain it is, that whosoever hath his mind fraught with many thoughts, his wits and understanding do clarify and break up, in the communicating and discoursing with another： he tosseth his thoughts more easily； he marshalled them more orderly； he seeth how they look when they are turned into words； finally, he waxeth wiser than himself； and that more by an hour/'s discourse, then by a day/'s meditation. It was well said by Themistocles to the king of Persia；that speech was like cloth of Arras, opened, and put abroad； whereby the imagery doth appear in figure； whereas in thoughts they lie but as in packs. Neither is this second fruit of friendship, in opening the understanding, restrained only to such friends as are able to give a man counsel： （they indeed are best） but even, without that, a man learneth of himself, and bringeth his own thoughts to light, and whetteth his wits as against a stone, which itself cuts not. In a word, a man were better relate himself to a statue, or picture, then to suffer his thoughts to pass in smother.
Add now, to make this second fruit of friendship complete, that other point, which lieth more open, and falleth within vulgar observation； which is faithful counsel from a friend. Heraclitus saith well, in one of his enigmas； dry light is ever the best And certain it is, that the light that a man receiveth by counsel from another, is drier, and purer, than that which cometh from his own understanding, and judgement；which is ever infused and drenched in his affections and customs. So as, there is as much difference, between the counsel that a friend giveth and that a man giveth himself, as there is between the counsel of a friend and of a flatterer.
For there is no such flatterer as is a man/'s self, and there is no such remedy, against flattery of a man/'s self, as the liberty of a friend. Counsel is of two sorts； the one concerning manners, the other concerning business. For the first； the best preservative to keep the mind in health, is the faithful admonition of a friend. The calling of a man/'s self to a strict account, is a medicine, sometime, too piercing and corrosive. Reading good books of morality is a lime flat, and dead. Observing our faults in others is sometimes improper for our case. But the best receipt （best, I say, to work, and best to take） is the admonition of a friend. It is a strange thing to behold, what gross errors, and extreme absurdities, many （especially of the greater sort） do commit, for want of a friend, to tell them of them； to the great damage, both of their fame, and fortune. For, as St James saith, they are as men, that look sometimes into a glass, and presently forget their own shape, and favour. As for business, a man may think, if he will, that two eyes see no more than one； or that a gamester seeth always more than a looker on； or that a man in anger is as wise as he, that hath said over the four and twenty letters； or that a musket may be shot off, as well upon the arm, as upon a rest； and such other fond and high imaginations, to think himself all in all.
But when all is done, the help of good counsel is that which setteth business straight.
And if any man think that he will take counsel, but it shall be by pieces； asking counsel in one business of one man, and in another business of another man； it is well （that is to say, better perhaps than if he asked none at all）； but he runneth two dangers： one, that he shall not be faithfully counselled； for it is a rare thing, except it be from a perfect and entire friend, to have counsel given, but such as shall be bowed and crooked to some ends, which he hath that giveth it The other, that he shall have counsel given, hurtful, and unsafe （though with good meaning）, and mixed, partly of mischief, and partly of remedy： even as if you would call a physician, that is thought good, for the cure of the disease you complain of, but is unacquainted with your body； and therefore, may put you in way for a present cure, but overthroweth your health in some other kind；and so cure the disease, and kill the patient But a friend that is wholly acquainted with a man/'s estate, will beware by furthering any present business, how he dasheth upon other inconvenience.
And therefore, rest not upon scattered counsel； they will rather distract, and mislead, than seme, and direct After these two noble fruits of frendship （peace in the affections and support of the judgement） followeth the last fruit； which is like the pomegranate full of many kernels； I mean aid and bearing a part in all actions and occasions. Here, the best way to represent to life the manifold use of frendship is to cast and see, how many things there are, which a man cannot do himself； and then it will appear, that it was a sparing speech of the ancients, to say that a friend is another himself： for that a friend is far more than himself.
Men have their time, and die many times in desire of some things, which they principally take to heart； the bestowing of a child, the finishing of a work, or the like. If a man have a true friend, he may rest almost secure, that the care of those things will continue after him. So that a man hath as it were two lives in his desires.
A man hath a body, and that body is confined to a place； but where friendship is, all offices of life are as it were granted to him, and his deputy. For he may exercise them by his friend. How many things are there, which a man cannot, with any face or comeliness, say or do himself？ A man can scarce allege his own merits with modesty, much less extol them： a man cannot sometimes brook to supplicate or beg： and a number of the like. But all these things, are graceful in a friend/'s mouth, which are blushing in a man/'s own. So again, a man/'s person hath many proper relations, which he cannot put off. A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father, to his wife, but as a husband； to his enemy, but upon terms： whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires, and not as it sorteth with the person. But to enumerate these things were endless： I have given the rule, where a man cannot fitly play his own part： if he have not a friend, he may quit the stage.
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