怎样脱解尴尬，做一个健谈的人（2/2）

How to be a good conversationalist?

5. Put the person in his/her best light.看别人最好的方面
Always look for ways to make the person look good. Give credit where credit is due. Recognize talent where you see it. Drop compliments where appropriate. Allow the person to shine in his/her own light.总是去看别人好的一面。该赞美时就赞美。善于发现别人的长处。在适当的时候对别人加以赞美。让别人展出自己最好的一面。
6. Embrace differences while building on commonalities.求同存异
Everyone is different. At the same time, there are always commonalities across people. For the differences, embrace them. They make all of us unique. Agree to disagree if there are clashes in ideas. As you talk to the other person, look for commonalities between you and him/her.每个人都是不同的。在同一时刻，人们都有着共性。对不同之处，要加以拥抱。正是这些不同之处才让我们每个人都独一无二。如果想法有冲突，则求同存异。当你和他人交谈时，寻找你和他/她的共同之处。
Once you find a common link, build on it. Use that as a platform to spin off more discussions which will then reveal more about both of you. For the new commonalities that get unveiled, build on them further.一旦你找到了共同的地方，在它上面建造你们的关系。把它作为一个平台，进行更多的讨论，这样你们都会更好地了解彼此。对于发现的新的共同之处，可以在这个基础上进一步交流。
7. Be true to yourself.做真实的自己
Your best asset is your true personality. Don’t cover it up. It’ll be pretty boring if all you do is mime the other person’s words during a conversation; there wouldn’t be anything to discuss at all. Be ready to share your real thoughts and opinions (not in a combative manner of course). Be proud of what you stand for and be ready to let others know the real you.你最好的资本是你真实的个性，不要把它掩盖起来。如果你所做的就是在谈话中模仿另一个人说话那会非常单调；根本就没有什么可以谈论的。准备好分享自己真实的想法和观点（不要用好斗的方式）。对自己的立场感到自豪，并让别人认识真正的你。
8. 50-50 sharing.50-50分享
I always think that a great conversation should be made up of equal sharing by both parties. Sometimes it may be 40-60 or 60-40 depending on the circumstances, but by and large, both parties should have equal opportunities to share and contribute to the conversation. What this means is that you should be sensitive enough to pose questions to the other party if you have been talking for a while.我总是在想，好的谈话应当是由双方共同分享组成的。根据环境，有时可能是40-60，有时可能是60-40，但是总的来说，双方应该有平等的机遇来分享和参与谈话。也就是说你应该足够敏感，如果你已经说了一会儿了，应该能够对对方提出问题。
It also means that you should take the initiative to share more about yourself if the other party has been sharing for the most part. Just because the person doesn’t ask doesn’t mean you can’t share; sometimes people don’t pose questions because it is not in their natural self to do so.这也意味着如果大部分的内容是由对方分享的，那你应该主动分享自己的想法。别人不问不代表这你不能分享；有时人们不问问题是因为他们天生不愿这样做。
9. Ask purposeful questions.询问有意义的问题
Questions elicit answers. The kind of questions you ask will steer the direction of the conversation. To have a meaningful conversation with the other person, ask meaningful questions. Choose questions like, “What drives you in life?”, “What are your goals for the next year?” and “What inspired you to make this change?” over “What did you do yesterday?” and “What are you going to do later?”.问题会引出答案。你问的问题代表着谈话的方向。要想和他人有有意义的谈话，就得问有意义的问题。可以选择这样的问题，如“在生活中什么事情激励着你前行？”，“你明年的目标是什么？”以及“什么让你做出这样的改变？”，而不是问“昨天你做了什么？”、“一会儿你要做什么？”
Some people may not be ready to take on conscious questions, and that’s fine. Start off with the simple, trivial, everyday questions as you build a rapport. Then, get to know the person better through deeper, more revealing questions—when you think the person is ready to share.有些人可能不想回答意识层面的问题，没关系。从简单、琐碎的、日常的问题开始，逐步建立关系。然后，通过更深一步的、更加揭露性的问题来更好地了解对方——当你认为对方已经愿意分享时。
10. Give and take.给予和接受
Sometimes people say pretty weird stuff during conversations. For example, a critical comment here and there, a distasteful remark, and a bad joke. Don’t judge them for those comments; treat these blurts as Freudian slips. Usually I just laugh or shrug it off; it makes for funny conversation banter.有时人们在谈话时会说一些很奇怪的内容。例如，到处都有的批评的评论、令人反感的话、糟糕的笑话。不要因为他们的那些评论而对他们加以评判；把这些脱口而出的话看成是弗洛伊德口误。通常情况下我只是笑笑或耸耸肩；它也使得谈话轻松有趣。

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