英文笑话:Points 4 Man

　　Joke：Points 4 Man

　　One single rule applies： Make the woman happy.

　　Do something she likes & you get points.

　　Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted.

　　You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

　　Sorry， that's the way the game is played.

　　Here is a guide to the point system.

　　Simple Duties

　　You make the bed……+1

　　You make the bed， but forget to add the decorative pillows……0

　　You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets……-1

　　You leave the toilet seat up……-5

　　You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty……0

　　When the toilet-paper roll is barren， you resort to Kleenex……-1

　　When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom……-2

　　You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings……+5

　　But return with beer……-5

　　You check out a suspicious noise at night……0

　　You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing……0

　　You check out a suspicious noise and it's something……+5

　　You pummel it with a six iron……+10

　　It's her father……-10

　　Social Engagements

　　You stay by her side the entire party……0

　　You stay by her side for a while， then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy……-2

　　Named Tiffany……-4

　　Tiffany is a dancer……-6

　　Tiffany has implants……-8

　　When mingling， you hold your girlfriend's hand and gaze at her lovingly……+1

　　When mingling， you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump……-5

　　When she points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive， you say， "Yes， but nowhere near as attractive as you"……+1

　　When she points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive，you say， "Yeah， but she's lousy in bed"……-6

　　That woman is her sister……-90

　　You have one drink， and that's it……0

　　You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle……-2

　　You have a lot of drinks， vaguely remember being fingerprinted……-18

　　Saturday Afternoon

　　You go to the shops together……+3

　　You go to the shops， drop her off at the entrance， then park the car……+4

　　You go to the shops， drop her off at the entrance， then drive to a sports bar……-2

　　You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it……+3

　　You spend the day shopping for furniture， and nap on a sofa……0

　　You spend the day at a wholesale club， buying in bulk ……+3

　　Most of it chips and beer ……-6

　　You tackle a large household project， such as painting the lounge……+15

　　Or refinishing the floors……+16

　　Or rewiring the basement……+17

　　Or adding a second floor……+18

　　Or setting up a little hoop over the bathroom wastebasket……-6

　　And you're tickled pink about it……-15

　　You visit her parents…… 0

　　You visit her parents and actually make conversation……+3

　　You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television……-3

　　And the television is off……-6

　　You spend the afternoon watching football in your underwear……-6

　　And you don't even like football……-10

　　And it's not your underwear……-15

　　Her Birthday

　　You take her out to dinner……0

　　You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar……+1

　　Okay， it is a sports bar……-2

　　And it's all-you-can-eat night……-3

　　It's a sports bar， it's all-you-can-eat night， and your face is painted he colors of your favorite team……-10

　　You go to a nice， pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player……+3

　　You go to a pricey restaurant， hire a guitar player and get up and sing……+4

　　If you stink……+2

　　If you're not half bad……+5

　　You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song， and you're escorted out to much applause……-2

　　You give her a gift……0

　　You give her a gift and it's a small electrical appliance ……-10

　　You give her a gift and it's not a small electrical appliance……+1

　　You give her a gift， and it isn't chocolate……+2

　　You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months……+30

　　You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day……-10

　　With her credit card……-30

　　And whatever you bought is two sizes too big ……-40

　　Thoughtfulness

　　You forget her birthday completely……-20

　　You forget your anniversary……-30

　　You forget to pick her up at the bus station……-45

　　Which is next to the red light district……-50

　　A Night Out With The Boys

　　Go out with a pal ……-5

　　And the pal is happily married ……-4

　　Or frighteningly single ……-7

　　And he drives a Mustang……-10

　　With a personalized license plate （GR8 N BED）……-15

　　You have a few beers……-9

　　And miss curfew by an hour……-12

　　You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call……-20

　　You get home at 3 am……-30

　　You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars ……-40

　　And not wearing any pants……-50

　　Is that a tattoo？？……-200

　　Her Night Out

　　You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work……+5

　　She goes out with her annoying work friends， and she comes home

　　late……+10

　　You wait up……+15

　　She goes out， comes home late and drunk， and you put her to bed……+20

　　A Night At Home

　　You watch TV together…… 0

　　You rent a movie……+2

　　You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY ……+3

　　It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout……+5

　　It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep……-1

　　It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool……-2

　　A Night Out

　　You take her to a movie……+2

　　You take her to a movie she likes……+4

　　You take her to a movie you hate ……+6

　　You take her to a movie you like……-2

　　It's called DeathCop 3（or Godzilla ） ……-3

　　Which features cyborgs having sex……-9

　　You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans……-15

　　Flowers

　　You buy her flowers only when it's expected…… 0

　　You buy her flowers as a surprise， just for the hell of it ……+20

　　You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself……+30

　　And she contracts Lyme disease……-25

　　Your Physique

　　You develop a noticeable potbelly……-15

　　You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it……+10

　　You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts……-5

　　Finances

　　You spend a lot of money on something impractical……-5

　　Something she can't use……-10

　　Such a a motorized model airplane……-20

　　And she got a small appliance for her birthday……-40

　　Driving

　　You lost the directions on a trip……-4

　　You lost the directions and end up getting lost……-10

　　You end up getting lost in a bad part of town ……-15

　　You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal……-25

　　You know them……-60

　　The Big Question

　　She asks， "Do I look fat？" ……-5 （Sensitive questions always start witha deficit）

　　You hesitate in responding……-10

　　You reply， "Where？"……-35

　　Communication

　　When she wants to talk about a problem， you listen， displaying what looks like a concerned expression……0

　　When she wants to talk， you listen， for over 30 minutes……+5

　　You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV……+10

　　She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep……-20

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