英文笑话:Varous Jokes
A wife finds her husband standing over their newborn's crib. As he watches the sleeping infant， she sees on his face a mixture of emotions： disbelief， doubt， delight， amazement， enchantment.
Eyes glistening， she slips her arms around him.
"A penny for your thoughts，" she whispers.
"It's amazing，" he replies. "How can anybody make a crib like that for only $46.50？"
A man goes into a supermarket and buys a tube of toothpaste， a bottle of Pepsi， a bag of tortilla chips， and a frozen pizza. The cute girl at the register looks at him and says， "Single， huh？" "How'd you guess？" he says sarcastically.
"Because you're ugly，" she replies.
An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent， so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel， so she began interviewing young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand，" she started off with one of the first applicants， " in a business like this， our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson， are you an *honest* lawyer？"
"Honest？" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why， I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case." "Impressive. And what sort of case was that？"
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted， "He sued me for the money."
There were women waiting to be executed. A redhead， a brunette， and a blonde. It was an old-fashioned execution. Of course， these women didn't want to die， so they needed a plan. The redhead said， "I have an idea…… follow my lead."
So， when it was time for the redhead's execution， the man put on her blindfold and made her line up against a wall.
"Do you have any last words？" he asked. "No." she replied.
"Ok then…… we're set. Ready…… aim……"
"TORNADO！" the she yelled out， pointing. The gunmen all turned around， and she escaped！
The brunette and blonde saw this. So， when it was time for the brunette's execution， the man put on her blindfold and made her line up against a wall. "Do you have any last words？" he asked. "No." she replied.
"Ok then…… we're set. Ready…… aim……"
"FLOOD！" the brunette yelled out， pointing. The gunmen all turned around， and she escaped， too！
Now the blonde understood this. So， when it was time for the blonde's execution， the man put on her blindfold and made her line up against a wall. "Do you have any last words？" he asked. "No." she replied.
"Ok then…… we're set. Ready…… aim……"
"FIRE！"
英文 笑话本文地址：http://www.dioenglish.com/writing/humor/73602.html
相关文章
-
看笑话学英语03:How did you start the flood?你是怎么引起洪水的？
听笑话学英语:How did you start the flood? 你是怎么引起洪水的？A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met a lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. 医生在里维埃拉度假时遇到他的一位律...
2018-10-31 英语笑话 -
Educational Joke(2)
Joe，a college student，was taking a course in ornithology，the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester，Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. H...
2018-12-29 英语笑话 -
每日一笑：like mother, like daughter（10.22）
昨日相关键连 like mother, like daughter My husband, a high school teacher, had a meeting with the mother of a student who had a tencency to become distracted durin...
2018-11-18 英语笑话 -
每日一笑：A Family Rule(10.11)
昨日相关键连 A Family Rule Mr. and Mrs. Jones very seldom go out in the evening, but last saturday, Mrs. Jones said to her husband, "There is a good film at the cinema to...
2018-11-18 英语笑话 -
每日一笑：(9.6)
昨日相关键连 Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? 为什么太阳能把头发晒浅，却能把皮肤晒黑？ Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? 为什么...
2018-11-18 英语笑话 -
Trick of Stealing Watermelons
Trick of Stealing WatermelonsAh Q still had the habit of stealing. In village Wee, the watermelons grown by the Zhang's were big and sweet which was known far and near. One...
2018-11-22 英语笑话 -
英语笑话笑死人不偿命26:特别来宾（双语)
A Special Guest特别来宾A lawyer finds himself at the Pearly Gates at the same time as the pope.一位律师发现他和某教宗一起到达天堂的珍珠门，Both men are allowed to enter heaven,两个人都被允许进...
2018-10-31 英语笑话 -
为什么有时我们称中世纪为黑暗时代呢？
Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?老师：为什么有时我们称中世纪为黑暗时代呢？Betty: Because they had so many knights.贝蒂：因为那时有许多骑士。 ...
2018-11-28 英语笑话 -
什么人给鸟取这种名字？
A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wanderin...
2018-11-28 英语笑话
